PART 2 - UNRAVELING THE TRAUMA
What's Religious Trauma?
Before I move on in my story, I’d like to attempt to give “religious trauma” some definition.
This is not an easy task, nor is there only one answer to what defines “religious trauma.”
It’s complicated.
When we hear the words “religious trauma or abuse” or “spiritual trauma or abuse,” our thoughts might go to stories we’ve read or seen on the news throughout our lives. You might remember Jim Jones and The People’s Temple in the 70s, or The Waco Siege, or Massacre of The Branch Davidians in the 90s.
Getting people to drink poison or a government stand-off with a religious sect that led to the deaths of dozens of people seems a bit extreme, and it is. The people who lived through these tragedies suffered in untold ways, all in the “name of God” and “for God.” They suffered under an extreme false belief system and developed Stockholm Syndrome as they aligned themselves with their religious captors.
So, we can for sure state the obvious here: these are examples of “religious trauma.”
But what about the not-so-obvious, the subtle, seemingly not-too-harmful, and even sometimes hidden kinds of “religious trauma?” The kind we don’t talk about and that goes unresolved for years, decades, and even lifetimes. Or the type experienced behind closed doors in good “Christian” homes.
LET’S DEVELOP THESE THOUGHTS BY ASKING SOME QUESTIONS.
- How is a child affected when religious leaders and teachers are not truly converted but serve in positions of being examples of God’s Character?
- How does a legalistic approach to religion affect a person throughout their lives?
- How is your connection to God, or understanding of who He is, affected when force or control surrounding religion is used?
- What happens to people not treated as individuals, equals, or respected as free moral agents?
- What about when unhealthy or mentally unstable people without proper boundaries require we follow “their form of religion” (my way or the highway)?
- What about when there is so much truth, goodness, and even kindness, but a person is kept in check subtly by guilt, shame, or fear of exclusion?
- What about being in a situation where ONE person is in control, and there are no “checks and balances” or accountability?
- What about the types of religious leadership where they are never wrong, and you have no voice?
- What about being in an exclusive religious group that fears being tainted or influenced by those outside of the group?
- What about groups that require you to cut off your family and friends in some form or another, and your social interactions are screened (exclusivity)?
- What if you don’t comply with the implied rules, and there is the threat of exclusion if you don’t comply or have the “right spirit?”
I’m sure there are more questions we can ask, but this is enough “food for thought” to demonstrate that this is a complicated subject that is extremely hard to define.
But for simplicity’s sake, I’d like to present two definitions.
The first I found in a Google search seems accurate and helpful.
The second is my own after a lifetime of seeing these abuses all around me.
Then, we’ll get to some of the common aspects, signs, symptoms, and outcomes of religious trauma and touch just a bit about where this all started. Then, as promised, back to my personal story and recovery.
GOOGLE SEARCH DEFINITION
Spiritual trauma occurs as a result of events that threaten and damage our core spiritual values and goals. This can be a result of either abuse by religious/spiritual figures or being raised with a toxic and overbearing interpretation of that religion or spiritual belief.
I like this account because it mentions “our core spiritual values and goals” as being threatened or damaged. It makes sense this can be, or feel, very serious. Also, this definition doesn’t disqualify religion but states the damage comes from someone’s “interpretation” of religion. This can undoubtedly include generational traumas, patterns, prejudices, and false beliefs passed down to us.
After all, for most people, religion is a source of strength in difficult times and can give guidance throughout life’s challenging moments. It can also supply a much-needed sense of belonging and support. So it’s important to realize here the abuse comes either directly from a religious figure of some kind or from being raised with a toxic or overbearing false interpretation.
NOW, MY OWN DEFINITION
Any action, word, concept, or behavior towards us from an individual, parent, teacher, organization, or other authority figure that misrepresents ‘God’s True Character’ and causes us to create ‘Trauma Patterns’ surrounding our relationship to God and others.
Can you relate to either of these definitions?
Do you have a definition of your own from your own experience?
Here are some critical aspects of religious trauma that can factor into one's experience.
Authoritarianism
Religious environments that enforce strict rules, rigid hierarchies, and unquestioning obedience can lead to feelings of powerlessness, fear, and dependency.
Guilt & Shame
Emphasizing sin and judgment using shame, guilt, and fear instills false motivations, interfering with our ability to receive true inspiration and experience a deep, trusting connection with God.
Fear Of Punishment
Narrowed beliefs in divine punishment, hell, or eternal damnation can create intense fear and anxiety, especially when individuals perceive themselves as falling short of religious expectations.
Rejection and Stigmatization
Religious communities may ostracize or stigmatize individuals who deviate from accepted beliefs or behaviors, leading to feelings of rejection, loneliness, and unworthiness.
Poor Interpersonal Boundaries
Healthy personal boundaries and needs are often overlooked, as is persistent over-involvement in others’ personal lives. This may include pressure to conform to rigid religious expectations and sacrificing personal needs for religious obligations.
Suppression Of Individuality
Religious teachings prioritizing conformity and suppressing individuality can inhibit personal growth, self-expression, and autonomy, leading to feelings of repression and internal conflict.
Isolation
The combination of shame, isolation, and silencing can have a deep and lasting impact on individuals, causing them to feel as if they have no voice, opinion, or will to act and are not seen, heard, understood, and supported.
Controlling Abuse & Traumatic Events
Traumatic events within religious settings, such as physical or sexual abuse by religious leaders, can cause profound psychological and emotional harm.
Cognitive Dissonance
Individuals may experience cognitive dissonance when their beliefs and experiences conflict, leading to inner turmoil and dread.
When religious or spiritual authorities misrepresent God's Character, they distort the "Authentic Nature of God," and by toxic and oppressive interpretations of faith—walking where angels fear to tread—trample upon the sacred parts of our souls.
It’s important to note that religious trauma is a complex and nuanced phenomenon, and its impact varies from person to person. Some individuals may experience religious trauma acutely, while others may carry the effects into their lives in more subtle ways.
So, we see that religious trauma, also known as spiritual or faith-based trauma, refers to the psychological, emotional, and sometimes physical harm that can arise from one’s religious or spiritual beliefs, practices, or experiences.
It occurs when individuals encounter distressing events or dynamics within a religious context that lead to long-lasting adverse effects on their well-being.
There’s no doubt religious trauma is serious and can have lasting effects. Often, it leaves ‘cracks in the foundation‘ of the most sacred parts of our soul.
It can also keep us from “seeing” God and experiencing HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
OK, let’s look briefly at how people are affected by these kinds of abuses.
Signs & Symptoms
Generational spiritual abuse and religious trauma can manifest in a variety of ways, and individuals who have experienced these challenges may exhibit a range of symptoms.
FEAR & ANXIETY
Deep-seated fears of divine punishment may persist, causing ongoing anxiety. These fears may deeply influence a person’s thoughts and behaviors, causing constant worry about moral and spiritual consequences, possibly creating a cycle of fear and stress that is difficult to break.
CONFUSION & DOUBT
There may be a battle of confusion and doubt over a person’s beliefs and values. Uncertainty about God’s True Character and Love, the question of who He truly is and who He isn’t, can leave a person feeling adrift and desperate, constantly searching for answers.
The effects can be severe when their thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and actions are consistently molded by dictating external forces, especially during crucial developmental stages. This prolonged shaping can significantly impair their ability to make sound decisions and erode their inner strength and determination.
LOW SELF-WORTH & SELF-ESTEEM
Religious trauma can erode self-worth and self-esteem, leading individuals to feel unworthy, unlovable, or inherently flawed. This can manifest in self-critical thoughts, perfectionism, or persistent inadequacy.
GUILT & SHAME
Intense feelings of guilt and shame surrounding beliefs, behaviors, or identity instilled by teachings and practices that emphasize unworthiness.
DEPRESSION & SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
The cumulative effects of generational spiritual abuse and religious trauma can contribute to depression, hopelessness, and other mental health issues.
Individuals may feel overwhelmed by the weight of their experiences and struggle to find meaning or purpose in life.
They may also experience nightmares and recurring uncontrollable thoughts, including thoughts of suicide.
SOCIAL ISOLATION & ALIENATION
A person who has been isolated and alienated may experience impeded social, emotional, and sexual development and have poor interpersonal boundaries or avoidance issues.
Religious trauma can also lead to feelings of alienation from family, friends, or community members who continue to adhere to the beliefs or practices that cause harm. Individuals may feel isolated or misunderstood, further exacerbating their sense of loneliness and despair.
DIFFICULTY TRUSTING OTHERS
Spiritual abuse can undermine trust in authority figures, religious leaders, or one’s own judgment and intuition. Individuals may struggle to form healthy relationships or may be hesitant to seek support due to fear of betrayal or exploitation.
Poor interpersonal boundaries can cause individuals to feel constantly overwhelmed by others’ demands, resulting in stress and anxiety, leading to unhealthy or toxic relationships where a person’s needs are consistently overlooked or violated.
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS
The stress and trauma associated with generational spiritual abuse and religious trauma can manifest in physical symptoms such as headaches, digestive issues, chronic pain, or autoimmune disorders.
This may also include sleep issues, appetite problems, and addictions.
SPIRITUAL CRISIS
Individuals may experience a profound spiritual crisis characterized by dread, loss of faith, or a deep sense of spiritual emptiness. This crisis may prompt intense questioning, exploration, and reevaluation of beliefs and values.
%
An estimated 1 in 3 Americans are struggling with some form of religious trauma.
You, or someone you know, may have experienced one or more of these symptoms.
Just know you’re not alone.
The Religious Trauma Survey
Also, as mentioned in the “Discover the 3 Biggest Challenges facing ‘People Healing from Religious Trauma’ when it comes to Connecting to God“ survey I put out last year...
Some people stated these kinds of challenges:
- I feel disconnected from God
- I never feel good enough
- I don’t understand God or feel unconditionally loved
- I don’t feel accepted as I am by God
- I don’t trust God or His Providential Leading in my life
- I don’t trust people
- I find it hard to form deep connections with others
- I feel empty
- I’m angry at God
You can take the survey for yourself here 👉 RELIGIOUS TRAUMA SURVEY
Go ahead. I’ll wait.
Thank you for contributing to my ongoing research surrounding those healing from religious trauma. I hope you found it helpful as well.
AND
For you statistic geeks: 👉 after you submit your survey data, you’ll receive an email with a link to the final report revealing the most common challenges and answers.
So now, to bring things into perspective, I think there is one more important question to ask before we move on and get back to my story.
Where Did Religious Trauma Start?
I personally believe it started in heaven.
At that exact moment, when the Great Deceiver began misrepresenting God and infiltrating heaven with disbelief and wrong thinking about who God was and what “kind of character” He possessed.
The first lies reverberated consequences that will last for ETERNITY.
Namely, the permanent casting out of one-third of the angels in heaven.
“And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.” Rev. 12:9
Now, that’s some serious “religious trauma” with severe consequences to consider. And while those angels did not recover from it, we can recover and find a deep connection to God and understand HIS TRUE CHARACTER at this moment in time, right now in this world.
Now, on to the rest of my personal story and recovery.
The Fishbowl
My life seems to consist of jumping from one fishbowl to another, swimming around, acclimating to the temperature, and then getting bumped out to begin another series of events.
All with an essential purpose, no doubt.
But, before we get on to “My Life in the Fishbowl,” a metaphor for the confidential issues I’m about to disclose that are typically shrouded in silence, I want to insert here THAT THIS IS THE MOST CHALLENGING WRITING PROJECT I HAVE EVER ATTEMPTED!
I imagine most people who write about their traumas must feel this way, but I never fully realized what a monumental task it would be until I placed my fingers on the keyboard. It’s a journey of immense struggle and courage that could have been avoided by continuing my life or remaining in isolation. But I chose to face it, not just for me, but for all of us who have experienced similar pain and are on our own paths of healing.
That’s why I’m here.
Right now.
I’m here for ALL those I love and have loved me.
For my family, both near and far, those connected by blood and those connected spiritually. For my friends. For myself. For YOU. For those who have suffered in silence without a voice. Each and every one of you is important to me. I’m here to share my story, to let you know that you’re not alone, and to offer a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on.
But mostly, I’M HERE FOR GOD.
I can never repay what He’s done for me. I can’t even express it. But one thing is sure. I’m compelled to tell the truth about Him, and for Him, and to provide comfort to those with the comfort I’ve been given.
The kind words, the hopeful promises, the understanding glances, the wiping of my tears—are the comforts that have sustained me, and I hope to pass them on to you.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Cor. 1:3-5
As a person who values loyalty, I recognize when I’m in debt—a debt I know I can never fully repay. This feeble attempt to share my journey is all I can do. I hope it resonates with one or two individuals (perhaps even you) and inspires a deeper understanding of God’s unutterable Merciful Love.
From my own experience, I’ve discovered that there is a force that can shatter the chains of “religious trauma” that bind us. It’s encapsulated in a single word—HESED—which not only unlocks the key to the mystery of God’s Lovingkindness but opens the door to the healing of all our sacred sorrows.
Here is, as stated by Michael Card in his book entitled, INEXPRESSIBLE – Hesed and the Mystery of God’s Loving-Kindness, an ever-incomplete working definition of the word:
“When the person from whom I have a right to expect nothing gives me everything.”
Until we understand the concept of True Unconditional Love (Hesed), and it becomes part of our experience, we cannot find freedom and hope and a clear path safely out of false indoctrination and generational religious trauma.
And to that end, and for that aim, I continue my story.
KEY CHAPTER TAKEAWAY #1
Attempting to give “religious trauma” a definition is not an easy task, nor is there one answer that defines religious trauma. It’s complicated.
It’s important to note that religious trauma is a complex and nuanced phenomenon, and its impact varies from person to person.
Some individuals may experience religious trauma acutely, while others may carry the effects into their lives in more subtle ways.
KEY CHAPTER TAKEAWAY #2
Religious trauma, also known as spiritual or faith-based trauma, refers to the psychological, emotional, and sometimes physical harm that can arise from one’s religious or spiritual beliefs, practices, or experiences.
It occurs when individuals encounter distressing events or dynamics within a religious context that lead to long-lasting adverse effects on their well-being.
There’s no doubt religious trauma is serious and can have lasting effects. Often, it leaves ‘cracks in the foundation‘ of the most sacred parts of our soul.
It can also keep us from “seeing” God and experiencing HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
KEY CHAPTER TAKEAWAY #3
Critical aspects of religious trauma may look like this:
Authoritarianism, Guilt & Shame, Fear of Punishment, Rejection & Stigmatization, Poor Interpersonal Boundaries, Suppression of Individuality, Isolation, Controlling Abuse & Traumatic Events, and Cognitive Dissonance.
KEY CHAPTER TAKEAWAY #4
Some common symptoms & signs that you may experience if you have been exposed to religious trauma are:
- Fear & Anxiety
- Confusion & Doubt
- Low Self-Worth & Self-Esteem
- Guilt & Shame
- Depression & Suicidal Thoughts
- Social Isolation & Alienation
- Difficulty Trusting Others
- Physical Symptoms
- Spiritual Crisis
KEY CHAPTER TAKEAWAY #5
When religious or spiritual authorities misrepresent God’s Character, they distort the “Authentic Nature of God,” and by toxic and oppressive interpretations of faith – walking where angels fear to tread – trample upon the sacred parts of our souls.
These actions may cause 👉 discomfort, guilt, confusion, shame, fear, or embarrassment.
KEY CHAPTER TAKEAWAY #6
Some people who took the “Religious Trauma Survey” stated these kinds of challenges as well:
- I feel disconnected from God
- I never feel good enough
- I don’t understand God or feel loved unconditionally
- I don’t feel accepted as I am by God
- I don’t trust God or His Providential Leading in my life
- I don’t trust people
- I find it hard to form deep connections with others
- I feel empty
- I’m angry at God
Take the survey here 👉 RELIGIOUS TRAUMA SURVEY
KEY CHAPTER TAKEAWAY #7
There is only ONE thing that can break through the “religious trauma” patterns that keep us stuck and blocked. It’s encapsulated in a single word—HESED—which not only unlocks the key to the mystery of God’s Lovingkindness but opens the door to the healing of all our sacred sorrows.
Until we understand the concept of True Unconditional Love (Hesed), and it becomes part of our experience, we cannot find freedom and hope and a clear path safely out of false indoctrination and generational religious trauma.
